The Maximum Parody
by Electric Skies
Summary: Or is it? God, it sounds so much like the books. I swear it does. WARNING: Random peeing, surprise assrape, penis bolts.


The screams. They shook the walls. The birds flew from the trees in hysteria, a glass broke in the other room, all the dogs in the neighborhood began howling. Terror was put into the hearts of the flock as Max's scream began to make their ears bleed. The shrieking turned even worse as it began to be accompanied by gasped words of, "WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY BLOWDRYER?"  
After Max had saved the world from Itick or Itit or whatever the hell it was called, she began to say odd things and the flock would often find her doing strange things, like taking her razor and attempting to shave trees because she wanted the tree to "look pretty for her date." or leaning out of her window, (loudly) accusing a squirrel of try to steal her dearly beloved Fang. "You stupid whore! I'M PRETTIER THAN YOU!" though, deep in her heart, she knew she could never compete with the kind of beauty only squirrel's posses. Even now, 6 months, 2 weeks, 11 days and 37 minutes after that horrible day, she still accuses Fang of cheating on her with the neighborhood squirrel's.

"You're looking for her, aren't you?" She'd ask when she'd find Fang casually glancing out the window. Within minutes she'd be sitting on top of him, bashing his face in with a lamp and saying, "DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BITCH! I BET YOU'VE FUCKED EVERY SQUIRREL IN THIS TOWN, HAVEN'T YOU?"  
Thank God for that new power the flock had gained of indestructibility, eh? In fact, the flock had gained a lot of new powers. Angel could now actually communicate with cockroaches, a step up, she said, from communicating with Iggy.

Fang now had the slightly embarrassing power to shoot lightening bolts from his penis, but only when erect. Of course, since Max had stopped shaving and showering, he didn't get much of a chance to ever use that power.  
In fact, Fang and Max's sex life had been virtually non-existent ever since the incident when Max, stark naked, had forced Fang down, bent him over a table, and raped him with a chair leg, all the while giggling manically and shrieking, "SURPRISE ASSRAPE!" repeatedly.  
After the initial shock, and the embarrassment of having to wear maxi pads for a week, Fang began to thought about how nice that chair leg felt, and this realization led him to believe that he was gay. Of course, Fang wasn't really gay, he just thought he was, because if Fang was really gay he might not be close-to-the-main-character-but-not-the-main-character-and-never-will-be anymore. And that would just be depressing.

Max ran down the stairs of their three story mansion, set in the wonderful town of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, a place Max insisted on living in because the name of the town made her "squeal like a pig.", something the flock would ponder for years to come. However, as the flock watched Max's boobies bounce as she frantically ran down the stairs, they noticed she had managed to stuff herself in half of Angel's halloween costume, a pink bunny suit.

She'd put the ears on and the bottoms, which were around 10x too small for her, having the pant legs come up to a little above her knee. Needless to say, the crotch was rather pornographic, and she wasn't wearing the top at all. In her hand she held a toilet scrubber. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at Fang, who's face was twisted in disgust and horror. As Max's creepy stare wore on, Gazzy, who's eyes were wide and fixed on Max's crotch, promptly went into the bathroom and locked the door.  
Max's expression suddenly changed into a look of relief as pee trickled down her leg. Why she always demanded to stare at Fang when she peed nobody ever could figure out. "What the hell is going on?" Iggy demanded, hoping he wouldn't have to wash her again. He had the depressing duty of washing Max, simply based on the fact that he was blind and "wouldn't have to look at the icky," as Nudge so eloquently put it.

"Max just peed all over herself and Angel's Halloween costume." Fang explained, tsking flamboyantly.

At that point, Angel, who had simply stared on in fear, burst into tears. Nudge attempted to comfort her by hugging her. Though the act became less comforting as Nudge took advantage of the situation by trying to feel Angel up. The young blond jumped up, away from Nudge's perverted embrace, and ran over to Max, still choked with tears. Max and Angel stared at each other for a long moment, and brief hope was put into the hearts of the flock. Maybe Angel was getting through to her somehow, they thought, up until Max began to move her pelvis back and forth, as if she was trying to hump the air. Frustrated, Angel began crying again. Between broken sobs, Angel managed to say, "F-fuck this, m-man... I'm... s-still wearing... I-it next year!" and ran up the stairs.

* * *

To be continued if I fucking feel like it.


End file.
